Thoughts from a ten year old

Yesterday, being June 24th, was my 10th birthday. Before you become impressed by my ability to create coherent and complex sentences, know that I'm referring to my spiritual birth. 

Some years I stop on June 24th and reflect on the beauty of God's grace on my awkward 14 year old heart and some years I'm awfully busy and I just forget. 

However, yesterday was extra special because I saw 64 brothers and sisters come to Christ on June 24th at camp Siloam. The Spirit was so evident and so persistent to the hearts of students last night and I can't help but wonder how many of them are 14. 

I remember when I was in their position and I was afraid and I was nervous and I was surprised myself because I had been playing a Christian game for so long.

Then I think, "I can't believe that was a whole ten years ago." 

It really is crazy. It seems so long and often I think, "shouldn't I be more mature in my faith by now?" Then I began to think about my niece who is ten years old. 

She is a lovely human with a precious heart. She loves animals and math (which  is quite opposite of her Aunt Hanna). In life, she has had some real trials, but often she lacks full understanding of the gravity of her circumstances. She has sisters that she often bickers with. She is often distracted from the world around we by her iPod. She's really funny and has a laugh and smile that melt my heart. Sometimes, I am really surprised by her insight.  

For a ten year old, I find her to be pretty wise. However, she is just ten and lacks adult understanding.  I can barely remember anything significant from being ten years old physically, but however awkward and distracted and quick to anger I am now as a ten year old believer in Christ, I will probably attempt to look back in 14 years and wonder what I was like as a ten year old believer. 

Regardless of my immaturity and how easily I get off track with The Lord, has so blessed my life. I am so much smaller than my circumstances and I am so much smaller than the conversations be allows me to have with others, but his grace is sufficient for me, a ten year old. 

And this is 14 year old, chubby faced, me:

Bridezilla To Be Rescued

As I have said, it is that "marriage time of year." I know of lots of people getting married in the coming spring and summer seasons. I even have the privilege of being a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding myself.

A year ago, I was in the position of a young bride-to-be trying to plan out all the little details without my head exploding while still trying to hold a job and a life. There is a lot of pressure on brides today to plan a wedding that guests will be excited about being part of. Each bride carefully has to think of that golden idea that no one else had ever done. Unfortunately, there are a lot of weddings that happen, so that's really really hard.

Anyway, another thing about being a bride-to-be is that person after person wants to hurl unsolicited advice at you about everything from what cookware to buy to how to behave as a bride to sex.

One piece of advice that sticks out to me is very often heard by brides. People say "It's your day. You can make it be however you want," or "only worry about yourself, you shouldn't care what anyone else thinks." Don't get me wrong, I know that in our current tradition of wedding ceremonies the bride is the one calling the shots because previously women couldn't even choose who to marry, they were merely auctioned off to the highest bidder (the guy with the most cows) or told to marry someone based on social of financial gain. So, with this power, brides have taken on the world of making every decision known to (wo)man when it comes to "their wedding."

Back to the advice to be selfish. I find it very odd and contradictory that as believers, we hold this same view of the bride when it comes to her wedding. We tell her its okay to be selfish and that she should forget everyone else. (I truly understand why people say that because it is a truly special day to a bride). However, as a believer, to follow Christ, yet take this one season in life to be a big jerk just doesn't make sense. Instead we should always be humble, even when it's our turn to be the bride.

Furthermore, even if you have a Christ-centered ceremony, but bark orders and be un-pleaseable pre-cremony, you have shown people how truly selfish you are.

Now, don't get be wrong, I wasn't the perfect bride. (There was this one freak out episode about some nail polish by which I am highly embarrassed). However, our wedding photographer gave us the highest compliment by saying that our wedding was the most calm she had ever attended with people not fighting and everyone just enjoying each other. I truly believe that the calmness started with the groom and I and trickled to everyone else. We weren't being crazy, so why should anyone else have?

Trust me, the irony is not lost on me that I was bashing on
people giving bridal advice and then doing it myself, but it needs to be said that you don't have to be a "bridezilla." Think of this as a test of your ability to let the little things go because after you're married you will have needed that practice.

Instead, calm down, eat some chocolate, focus on the fact that you get to marry your love, worship the Lord through it all, and never let the details get you down.

Thoughts on Marrying Young

I came across an article today asserting that because young people have marriage on a pedestal, instead of marrying the person they are with, they forgo marriage because they don't think it will be idea.

Here it is: http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/the-case-for-getting-married-young/274293/

I found this article to be very interesting and with great insight. I have been in a culture of marriage the past few years because I'm 24 and I'm in the south. In general, people in the south get married younger than those who live in norther regions, but I know that what the article discuesses is a phenomenon I have experienced.

Now, I don't think that everyone should get married young. There is a right time and place for every individual to enter into the covenant of marriage. However, I don't hold to the argument that a person should wait until they "have it together" before they get married.

When Lucas and I got married we chose to do so for many reasons, but one reason was that we wanted to build a life together. We didn't want to go out, make two separate lives and then come back together and get married. (So, maybe I am biased when it comes to this article.)

So, check out this article. There are some points I don't agree on because my faith comes into play, but I like the general idea. So, join in the conversation!

Comment on this blog

Tweet me at @hannalhickman

or email me at hannalhickman@gmail.com

I want to know your thoughts!

Do you think people should wait until they "have it together" to get married. 

What do you think is the appropriate age to get married?

It really is time to change.

It really is time for some changes to be made, but I'm not talking about the social changes that are probably coming to your mind. I'm talking about a change in our spirit.

I can't begin to tell you the amount of times I have heard someone say or do something off-putting or inappropriate, have someone call them out on it, then the original person say "I'm always like that," or "That's just the way I am."

Now, trust me, I'm as ornery as the next human. I hate changing who I am in any form or
fashion because as far as I'm concerned, I'm awesome.

But when I look at the whole of scripture I see a God who is constantly calling individuals and peoples to change.  All the time in scripture God told people to do exactly the opposite of what they wanted. I'm not asserting that God always makes us do exactly what we don't want to do because that is not true at all. However, at times, he truly refines us by asking us to step out in faith and change for his name's sake.

As a personal example. I love being sarcastic. It's so fun because I can truly say whatever I want and no one really knows whether I am being serious or not, so people just laugh it off. Not to mention, I'm really good at it. But Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." So, for me to continue on never being sincere with others, would be against the work the Holy Spirit wants to do in me, so I must stop being so "hilarious" and change the way I interact with others.

The truth is that we were all born with predispositions to act certain ways. Everyone has their thing. You may love making inappropriate jokes, or you may have decided on a career a long time ago that you know isn't what God wants for your life, or you may love to eat more food than anyone and show everyone how good you are at eating, or you may never say a rude thing to a person, but always think them in the secret corners of your mind. 1 Peter 1:1-3 says "Therefore, rid yourselves of malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babes, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." (NIV)

To go on with life and say of our shortcomings "this is just the way I am" is a total cop out. Where is the growth in that? When we give our lives to Christ, we are surrendering. We are called to change. We are called to run from sin no matter how subtle. I'll be the first to tell you how much I hate changing. It simply exhausts me to be in a season of change. I am as I type this blog, but I'm holding on to the knowledge that God is really the one writing this story.

I'm sure you're awesome like me, but let's get ourselves together and be sanctified by His Word.

We have to change!

And here is a cute picture from our spring break trip to PCB last week. 

Mary Probably Didn't Know

This morning my boss keeps singing the song "Mary Did You Know?" He always has a special way of singing random songs in the office right next to mine and getting them stuck in my head for days. I don't know about you, but I really like to ponder on the lyrics that are laid on the hearts of song writers.

At this point, this song may seem cheesy and outdated. However, the writer poses a great question.

Mary, you 13 year old girl who is had a baby by way of the Holy Spirit, did you know what an impact this birth would have on humanity?

My guess is that Mary really didn't know. I know in my life when I look back on the wonders that God has done, prior to that doing, I did not know. It is incredibly difficult for our minds to comprehend the work that God has brewing all around us. It is hard to us to comprehend the magnitude of wonder and majesty that happened in that one baby delivered by the young Mary.

So, look at your life and think of all the insignificance and ask yourself, is it really?

I know in my life, God has used tiny whispers into my spirit of the spirit of others to bring about great change and salvation.

In Colossians 3:17 the scripture says "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Mary probably didn't know, but in the beautiful story of Jesus' birth she calls herself a servant of the Lord and says that she is willing.

Think about the beauty: Mary did not know the fullness of God's plan, but she was willing.

Is that what you have done today. Have you laid aside your want to have comfort and "have your baby" in your own time with the father of your choosing, or are you prepared to be a chosen instrument of God's mighty hand in the smallest or biggest way?

Change

I was scrolling through Twitter minding everyone else's business when I came across a retweet originally by an account called "the real Megan Fox," I think if they have to say it's real, then it's not, but that's not what matters here. The tweet said:

 "Don't change for anyone. They should love you for who you are, or you don't need them in your life"

Now, there are some absolute grains of truth in this little quote, but when I hear things like this I get all in a fight with myself because I have a tendency to think this way. When someone is unhappy with something I do or say I think things like "Why don't they love me for me?" or "They don't except me for who I am."

I think there is a tension that exists between the world and the Holy Spirit within me. On one hand, the world blasts the sentiment "DO WHAT YOU WANT," and that Holy Spirit says "This is not about you."

I understand that the quotes like this are probably aimed at hopeless romantic adolescents, but we all need to understand that true love sometimes requires change.

Even I feel like this is a total Jesus juke, but the truth is that Jesus changed his surroundings, his comfort, his everything to show us His love. 

And the truth is that the scripture calls for sanctification in Christ Jesus. We are called every day to lay aside the things we want and pursue His heart. 

The truth is that when something about my personality is laced in sin and pride, it needs to go. For example, I like being sarcastic all the time (and I am rather funny). But if the point of my jokes is to raise my self above others and make them feel like less, that is sin, and it is wrong. 

It's a tough life for a believer who lives in a world that boasts of the ability to "be yourself," but in Philippians 1:21 Paul says "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." 

Do we really think about the weight of what that means? Paul is saying that life is not a matter of seeking his own comfort of advancement. This means that every decision, even down to personality traits we choose to nurse into life, can help to advance the Kingdom of God. 

Paul was looking toward Heaven in this chapter noting that he can't wait to be with his maker, but he knows that his earthly life is necessary. 

I could go on for days. But let's take time today to think about our lives and whether we are waiting for everyone to accept us for who we are, or whether we are pursuing losing our selves. 







A funny picture:

Let's Celebrate a Life!

Sometimes, the Lord will bring a person into your life at the right time with just the right ways to help pick you up, renew you and make you a better liver of life. I believe that's what the Lord did in my life a little over two years ago.

I remember the first time I saw Lucas. I thought he was the best looking guy I had ever seen, but I didn't imagine that one day we would be married and trying to figure out this life together.

However, knowing him has changed me, and I find this to be a beautiful parallel to how knowing the Lord changes a person. I want to share with you all some things that knowing him has taught me, and probably some other funny things along the way.

1. I have learned to not take myself so seriously. Before I knew Lucas I was a feminine whirlwind doing my best to "take care of myself," and I conquered the world one task after another. Knowing Lucas has taught me to calm myself down, and laugh when things don't go as planned. Sometimes, when we realize how silly our human plans are, we really see the majesty of God.

2. I have learned to chill out. Like, literally, sit and do nothing. I probably don't do this as often as I should, but I've always had this thing where I think I need to be busy all the time.  Some of Lucas's most frequent words to me are probably "Can we just chill?" I'm so thankful for this. It will probably save my blood pressure when I'm old too!

3. Lucas has taught me to see with more "spiritual" eyes. I am a very practical thinker, and He is a very discerning man when it comes to the things of the Lord and questions of "what should we do to honor the Lord?" There have been countless times in the past two years where I have seen Lucas decisively say "I know this is what the Lord wants us to do," when that really wasn't my opinion, but we did that and were so blessed and other people came to know the Lord more than they did before as a result of his faithfulness.

4. I call Lucas "the most honest man in the world" because it's true. One of the most important things I have learned form Lucas is complete honesty. I'm still working on this one, but I have always been very honest 90% of the way, but like to withhold just enough information to remain mysterious or just know something that other people don't. But this man.. He doesn't leave out those details and he is more honest than anyone I know, honest with himself and with others.

I could go on for hours, but I love birthdays because it is an opportunity to let a person know just how important they are to you and how happy you are that they were born. Take a minute to think about what life would be like if the Lord had never breathed life into the people closest to you.

I think that sometimes on the birthdays of our loved ones we go through the obligatory rituals of birthday celebration without really taking time to savor the fact that they were skillfully placed in our lives to minister to us in some way or another. (Even if their ministry is the trying of our patience). I hope that in the future we can really celebrate from a place that says "if you weren't born, my life would be different." Isn't it true that the Lord uses the people in our lives to shape who we are. (Just think about how you are turning into your parents).

There are some things that just aren't accidental, so let's celebrate from the depths of our hearts and give gifts and hugs and smiles and laughter that say "I see you, as I person, I see you, I see and know your heart and I am thankful for it."

Happy Birthday you, crazy, sweet man! I love knowing you and I look forward to knowing you more! 

Let's Just Call it Life

Lately, I've been learning a whole lot about missions and missions opportunities. I know countless people who are going out and sacrificing time and money to serve the Lord by taking his name to the world.

Hallelujah!! I am so thankful this is happening and I know that many people are sincerely called by God to this ministry.

The question: Where does that leave us who are just living where we live and doing what we do? Are we called?

Most usually when we hear “missions” people think that means we have to get up, walk to our neighbor’s door and say “Do you know Jesus.”

·      I’m not saying this is a wrong thing, but many, especially in my generation, after these encounters people are left thinking that we don't care about them as a person and we are just trying to get converts.

·      I have been on trips designed around this premise and I walked away feeling like I really didn’t know if any of the “conversions” were genuine.

·      I walked away feeling defeated and thought “If I could just stay with them longer, I could really know and disciple them.”

These types of revelations led me into knowing that in life, I do not wish to be that type of “evangelist.’ 

·      But we can’t go with what I think is right or true, we have to look at the scripture.

When churches or others do a big missions talk we usually use this scripture passage:

Matthew 28:18-20 “Then Jesus Came to them and said all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore Go and MAKE DISCIPLES of ALL NATIONS, BAPTIZING them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

This is great, and Jesus really intends for this to be our life’s goal, but often we miss it.

·      We take the part that says GO! And we think that we have to go

·      We think that if we aren’t in another country, we aren’t on mission

·      It doesn’t say “Get your passport, pack your bag, get on a plane, ride 15 hours, then make disciples.”

·      AS WE GO ABOUT OUR LIVES our call is to missions.

·      We can’t put this word in a box or category in our minds

·      Our life In Christ is a mission!!!!!

Also, let's not that the passage says to "make disciples." It doesn't say "convert people." 

·      When we “convert,” the most important thing we can do is invest. It’s even more important than the conversion.

·      Discipleship lets converts know that this is real.

·      Discipleship lets converts know that their new family of believers truly cares

·      Discipleships leads converts to make new disciples. 

Ladies and gentlemen, let's call this the life of the believer. Sometimes, when we have the opportunity to share we walk away thinking that we are something special for sharing God's word. Let's work to not make that something special or outlandish. Let's call it life. 

The Good We Ought to Do

When I was in high school, it was not big deal at all for me to ditch my plans immediately when it came to getting the attention of a boy. I would drop my plans with a girlfriend in seconds flat. I believe that it even go to the point to where they wouldn't be surprised at all when I said "something came up."

Now, I am a testy lady. I find myself tired most days, and I am definitely not a morning person. Someone can say one sentence to me and it takes every fiber in my being to not throw knives at them, or lash out into a rage. (To be honest). However, most days I can give a neutral reaction, though that is far from my nature at the time. I walk away patting myself on the back saying, "you just saved their life."

But now I'm thinking, what if (with the power of Christ) I went beyond "neutral" and found my reactions to be a "10" on the encouraging scale. No, it's not in my nature. But scripture tells me that I should say things that build people up and benefit those who listen.

I know in my little brain that I should encourage, but instead, I am neutral.

It may seem insignificant.

But I just read James 4:17 which says, "Anyone, then who knows the good he ought to do and does not do it, to him it is sin."

In this context, to the best of my knowledge James is talking to the wealthy people who have a lot of money with which they could choose to either do good, or to be selfish.

The principle we can take from this text is that if there is good to be done, we ought to do it.

One night last week my husband and I were watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I love that show. I cry and cry because deserving people get treated to something nice they could never afford on their own. My husband, though, was enraged and said "This show shouldn't even be necessary. The church should be doing this." (He's a wise man).

I could go on with examples, but my point is that there is good to be done

In the name of Christ.

What is the good you ought to be doing?




Oh, Happy Halloween!!!

Why the Inconsistency?

Sometimes in life, we just can't get a grip on who we want to be. We feel a pull between "good" and "evil" contstantly. We want to pursue God, but sin get a hold on our affections and we can't look away.


We do thing like worship on Sundays and then go away and talk bad about our friend or sister in Christ. In James, he says that someone who does that is "double-minded" and "unstable." Ouchie, James. That hurts.

We do things like Praise Jesus and promote modesty all year long, until Halloween comes around, then we like to show the things our Mamma gave us.

We do things like sleep an extra hour instead of spending time with the Lord.

I know it's a struggle that is not easily overcome, but when we TRULY seek his face, ladies, we will find HIM. When we find him we don't need extra sleep, to talk bad about people, or to show off what our Mamma gave us to get attention from males (disgraceful attention, I might add).

I feel this battle in my life every day. I know more and more what a ridiculous human being I am. Ya know what I'm saying? Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel like this:




Even Paul said "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I do I hate." (Romans 7:15, NIV)

Do you ever find yourself here?

Paul was writing my heart's song right here. I keep crying out "Lord please change me."

I will say, the change comes, but it's ever so slow.

And it is with ever so much purpose that I cannot understand.

The Lord is truly working in us when we ask him do. I long for the day that you can I can do the things we want and not do the thing we don't want. Until then, I urge all of us to earnestly seek his face and flee sin.



Flee Immodesty



Flee Gossip



Flee Laziness



Flee Sin.



Lord, we Need You.

For Mr. Hickman

Today as I was sitting beside my husband eating lunch, I picked up my bread, which was a little brown for my taste, and began to break it apart to dip it in my tomato sauce. As I was breaking it, I realized that it was rather crunchy. At that moment, my husband reached over and told me to trade him pieces of bread. He did this because his was nice and moist.

This moment was one of beauty. I could have wept, but  I held it back. Why? Because in that moment I knew that I was known by him.  He knows I don't like crunchy bread. It wasn't the crunchy bread. I would have eaten it and moved on with my life, but by trading me bread he was saying "I see your desires and I'm doing what I can to provide for them."

I've been reading a lot of things lately about love, sex, and relationships. The most common theme I am recognizing in my reading is that when it comes to "love," every human being just has a desire to be known.

Someone a lot smarter than me, Dannah Gresh, wrote a book called What are You Waiting For?: The One Thing No One Ever Told You About Sex. 

In this lovely and honest book she discusses this truth, that the desire to be know sometimes leads hurting people to physical sex that isn't fulfilling and leaves them damaged. She discusses the connotation of the Hebrew word "yada" that means "to know, to be known, to be deeply respected." Gresh points out that this is the desire of the human heart and how to overcome damage done in the past. I reccomend this book to any high school or college age young woman whether she has struggled with sexual sin or not.

Even as a married woman, this book has resonated with me and I am still discovering my deep desire to be known and deeply respected by the love of my life. I am also discovering the importance of knowing and respecting him.

Mostly I am writing this blog because I want the world to know how I love and appreciate Mr. Lucas Hickman, the poor soul who has been married to me for 4 months yesterday. I'm so grateful for his effort to know and look out for my every need every minute. I'm also thankful for such a fun best friend.

Thank you, dear. Happy 4 month-a-versary (a day late).

I love you.

(And to everyone else, stay tuned tomorrow for the top 5 things I have learned in the last 4 months, some really funny, some very serious heart matters).

You're all swell too.

But here is a picture of myself and my love in Hawaii...

Have a happy day, friends. I know I am.

Don't Ask Me to Share my Dessert

I am a sweets enthusiast. I love to eat them and cook them. If it is coated with, cooked in, or contains sugar I am all in. I will eat it until I can contain no more, or until I go into a coma. When I was a kid often times I would have a Mountain Dew and Chocolate Pop-Tarts for breakfast (the Nabisco kind) if my mom wasn't looking.

I love them so much that I hate when I have to share. When I was younger and my family went to a restaurant and it was time to order dessert I would let everyone know that I needed my very own. My mom would always say "I'm not going to order one. I'll just take a bite of yours'" Nine times out of ten "a bite" meant "I'm just going to eat half of it." This would make me so mad, but usually I kept my cool.

At the end of my sophomore year of college my mom and I went on a vacation to visit some friends in Arizona. We went to eat at many great places, but I found my breaking point at Macaroni Grill where they have AWESOME desserts. We were discussing which one to order and with my sweet tooth in full craving mode when she said the bite thing, I said "I"m not sharing!! Get your own dessert!" Now, I realize that this is not the Christ like attitude that I avidly promote, but its the truth of my downfall that I am working to deal with.

This is an actual photo from this incident. Our friend Cheryl was making fun of my outburst!
Thank the Lord for good friends who let you see how silly you are.

It's even so bad that I secretly get mad anytime anyone asks me for a bite of my brownie, candy bar, or even for one of my Hershey Kisses. I dread the day that I have kids who I want to teach to be healthy eaters and have to either hide or share my desserts. (It's that serious).

Yes, I have this "thing" that I grasp onto for dear life just like how we all have certain sins that we refuse to share and bring light to. We get caught up in the entrapment of lies and leave people who really care to know our hears in the dark and say "I'm not sharing!!" This is a definite downfall of mine. I hate to admit that I'm wrong and I hate letting anyone see the deepest places of my hurt where hurt and secrets can fester.

When we hold on to secret sin it tears up our souls from the inside out (much like diabetes to our body). It ruins our relationships with great people, and it makes us afraid to look at ourselves (much like eating too many sweets, if you know what I mean).

Ecclesiastes 12:14 says "For God will bring every deed into judgement, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."

Selfishness isn't only holding onto good things in life. I believe that it also includes holding on to the darkest parts of our hearts because we believe that we can handle it alone. The truth is that we cannot go on like that. Our hearts are meant to be seen in the light, that's why it's coming in the future.

Let's prepare for that light-bringing process now, and put it out there to those who care most and who want to speak tenderly to our hearts and hold us accountable.

I'm Staging a Protest

REALLY. 

I am staging a protest. 

And it's not my first time. I am a professional by now.

When I was in high school, ninth grade to be exact, I began protesting the bus for the rest of my high school career. I would do whatever it took to not ride the bus home from school. I was even known to stay on campus until 5 when my mom got off work and she could come pick me up. A couple times, I even walked home.

One time I didn't talk to my brother for 3 months, that one was tiring, but I did it!

Today, I am protesting make-up because I don't want to wear it and I don't have to. (A few days ago my husband told me that he thinks all women in America should stop wearing make-up because it would save them time and money. We decided we couldn't get it to work because of the hierarchy of women in the world who say that if we don't cake the stuff on, we are not feminine. Dumb.)

This is me rocking that natural look! 

This is an important protest, but I have made the decision to protest something even more important:

ANGER.

When studying James this week I have been punched in the throat by James 1:19-20 which says: "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Usually, my beloved husband is the object of my anger. I promise, I didn't know what anger was until I met him. (Note that I also didn't understand most emotions). But when you love someone so dearly your emotions can just go haywire when it comes to them (No matter who they are). (Don't judge, if you don't know what I mean, you will). 

Whatever the trigger of my anger, it happens quickly and brings me to illogical conclusions faster than a man can jump out of the line of fire at a garter toss (I've been to a lot of weddings lately, okay?).

When I allow myself to become angry, I allow myself to be fooled. I allow myself to think many things that aren't true. I allow myself to feel unloved. I allow myself to forget the hard work I had put into the relationship in question AND I just say things: wrong things, untrue things, and it hurts my soul.

It also hurts your soul. Anger can lead to bitterness and resentment that is difficult to overcome. It can lead to ruined relationships all over a little emotion, when forgiveness is what would be best for everyone involved.

So, join me in this protest.

Today, tomorrow and all the days after that, let's be slow to anger. We have to make the decision to move past anger and immediately forgive. You will find your self free and your mind clear. Who is your anger hurting? Someone else? Or yourself?

Ask the Holy Spirit to keep you from anger and lead you to forgiveness. 

Friends of Girls

My job gives me the beautiful privilege of being around wise, Godly, young women every day. The Lord really uses these girls to give me life and keep me thinking and growing.

Particularly, today, I was talking with my friends Casey and Bryanna after a Bible study. Bryanna and I have a lot of the same story and have dealt with many same things. Both of us went through a time in our young lives where we said things like "It's better and easier to be friends with guys," and "Girls carry too much drama." While this theory can hold ground many days, it discounts the importance of  good, old fashioned, girlfriend.

As you may have learned, we women have a little issue with, often times, not being honest with ourselves, but once you come to the point where you can be, you really learn how dumb you are, which makes you smarter.

So, let's take a minute and just be honest.

Honestly, when I was younger, I spent a lot of time around guys for many reasons: they made me feel pretty, I felt protected, I felt smart, they told me what I wanted to hear... The list could really go on and on, but we can go with these things.

What's the problem, you ask?

I didn't take the time in my life to form solid friendships with other girls. Why: they made me feel ugly, I was jealous of them, I didn't like to talk about my feelings, I felt dumb.

This may sound like a girl bashing session, but, in fact, it is just the opposite. What I'm trying to say is this: Girls, we have got to start forming Godly bonds in which we support and love one another. 

We keep allowing ourselves to turn to this pettiness out of jealousy of each other. In turn, many girls turn to only being close to guys, and when we depend on emotional support and close close friendship from guys who are not our boyfriends or husbands, we run into a lot of issues.

The older you get, the more difficult it will be to hold on to your best guy friends and maintain healthy relationships with boyfriends, fiances, husbands, and friends who are girls.

How do we avoid this?

We must avoid the sin of jealousy. I can think back over my life and just about every tiff I've ever had with another female included this little "friend." Jealousy tells us that we should be the one with laughable jokes and that we should be the one turning heads, not her.  (Idea totally credited to Bryanna)

It's time that we grasp on to the good in each other and hold fast to sharing our hearts with our female friends.

I'm not saying that we should form a she-woman, man-haters club. I'm not saying never talk to boys. I'm saying that we must maintain appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex, and draw closer to our sisters. (Those boundaries would definitely include limiting hear-to-heart with guys time when our goal is to make ourselves feel better. We've all done it.) When, we as sisters, are honest with each other, we begin to find out how similar we all are.

Nothing like having someone to share hot chocolate with! 

So, what it that you need to do to grasp onto Godly friendships with other young women?

Becoming a Lady

Tomorrow at our Back to School Retreat I am leading a break out session that the men in my workplace named "Becoming a Lady." I'm really not convinced that I am the resident expert on this topic, but I know that I'm the closest thing we have to a lady here (besides our lovely administrative assistant who does not like to talk in front of people). So, I'm the closest loud thing we have to a lady.
But it's a conflicting title for me because when I hear the word lady this is what comes to mind:

And Google agrees because when I searched "lady" on images all I found was pictures of this beauty.

Anyway, I'm sitting in my office racking my brain about what I should share with these girls. There are so many options going through my head: dating, modesty, morality, boundaries, self-esteem, future planning, finding Mr. Right, waiting on the Lord..

I'm trying to think: "When I was a sophomore in college, what would I have needed to hear."

And the Lord sent the idea to hit me right between the eyes!

Young women deal with all sorts of issues that I could talk very specifically about and offer great advice, but at the end of the day, if they don't hear me say "seek the Lord." I am doing a great disservice.

I've noticed a trend with my blogs, the ones about hot topic issues for young women like modesty and dating get twice as many reads as those that may be viewed at more "spiritual" in nature.

I understand. I like to read interesting blogs about hot topics too, but I think this tells us something about our nature.

We are missing the main thing.

We want to talk about all these issues and specifics about issues and how to fix our problems, but we don't want to seek the Lord first. Frankly, we just don't. I don't. You don't. We don't.

If we were seeking the Lord and what glorifies him, would I need to write a blog about how to dress in a way that glorifies him and draw attention to things that don't? I like to think "no" is the answer to that question. As the Lord has shaped me over the past several years he has brought me to a point where I have a keen sense of what glorifies Him and what doesn't.

Following God is truly not about following a list of rules or reading Godly blogs or books that tell us how to live. It is about seeking our Father.

I like to explain it this way: When we are toddlers, we need very specific rules like: don't touch the hot stove, don't hit, share your toys, etc. However, as we get older and as we mature we need less specific rules and guidelines. You can tell a 13 year old to be good and they have a pretty good grasp of what that means.

As believers, we can be the same way. As new believers we need to get a grasp on specifically what is a sin like telling a lie or more specific questions like "is smoking a sin?" But as we mature in knowing the Lord we no longer need to keep a list of rules to follow because the Spirit allows us to distinguish between sin and holiness.

Life on earth for a believer is simply that, a battle between sin and holiness.

In Romans Paul gives us indicator of a "true" Christian. One of these indicators is "Abhor (hate) what is evil; hold fast to what is good." (Your should really just go read Romans 12:9-21 to get a better grasp).

Have you matured to the point where you can distinguish good from evil and hate the evil?

This is a mark of a "Lady."

Beauty's Perception

This is a thought that I shared today at BCM lunch that I would really like to expand on.

A lie that many college students, young women in particular, believe is: "I'm more beautiful now than I'll ever be."

Hallelujah for the young years in our lives, they are a time of growth, exploration, and for many the peek of physical fitness and good looks. Our culture tells us that young people are to be highly valued, and anyone who is not young, but looks young is doing something right. We love our youth, and we love our beauty. I think this belief lead to the "I don't want to grow up" phenomenon.

So, many people don't grow up. They live a life just trying to grasp on to the youth they once had instead of fully engaging the present. Besides that some people go to the extreme and refuse to dress like a grown up. You know those people you see who are like 40, but they wear the same clothes as the 19 year old students I see every day. It's just so awkward. Often times, that is a person who is grasping onto youth and trying to appear "young." (Not to step on any stylish toes, but I must say it).

The truth is that as we follow Christ, we mature and many of our perceptions of the world evolve. As we know Him more, our perception of what beauty is evolves.

For example:

This picture is me at age 16. At this point in my life, I diligently chased being as thin as I could and still eat some amount of food (certainly not enough). My perception of beauty was that I had to be thin and if my collar bone didn't stick out 2 inches, I was not thin enough.

As I matured (and got hungry) I realized that God did not make my body to be stick thin. Some of us are meant to be more curvy than others, and that is okay. As I found my value in Christ I found more value in the way my body looked, and actually became more satisfied with the way I looked. 

The truth is the older we get, the more our body deteriorates. We won't always look 20, and that's okay because God made us this way. While at 20 your body looks great, your mind and heart have a long way to go. 

Also, as we grow and mature in the Lord, our perception of what is beautiful changes. I am a married woman now, and I think that having a godly marriage is absolutely beautiful and I'm doing a lot more to work toward that than physical beauty, and I believe the Lord approves. When I get older and have children I imagine that my family unit will be absolutely beautiful. (I'm already tearing up thinking about it).

My prayer is that we can grasp on to what the Lord sees as beautiful in a person, and that is when we grasp onto God and seek him with all we are. 

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

I want to leave a legacy of love from the Lord. Let everything we do be beautiful in his eyes!

To All the Single Ladies

Girls, we've talked a few times about this no settling business, but I really need you to know how important this is. It's not just a worldly issue of "you could do better." It's a spiritual issue. Settling for less in a man than what God expects a man to be is simply unbiblical.

God gives us his Word and Spirit so that we can know Him more, so doing anything contrary to either of these is sin. Yep, sin. It sounds a lot more serious now, eh?

Let me tell it to you this way: when you do find your man and choose to marry him, you will have a beautiful wedding, wonderful showers, a great honeymoon, and then you will come home to real life. Don't get me wrong, real life is a beautiful thing, and living with and loving a person through all its ups and downs is beyond rewarding and beyond worth it. However, if you ever find yourself with a man who has undesirable characteristics before you are married, I promise, those little annoyances will EXPLODE after. I used to hear people say this truth when I was single and I thought I understood, but I did not. Beyond that, any issue you have that might be annoying to another person will also explode after marriage.

Sometimes you will feel like this.

Beyond that, problems that you didn't even know that you had will rear their ugly head and you will find out just how sinful you can be.

Marriage really is beautiful because it refines a person in a very comparable way to how a relationship with God refines his church (I see what ya did there, God).

What's the reason for all these little issues exploding? (You ask).

Let me tell you. It's is the result of sin. (As is every evil). No matter how much we try to make ourselves be a certain way, we each have a propensity toward some sin. Each relational issue you have is the result of sin. For example, my honest man loves to watch movies. I am cool with movies, but I'm not a fanatic, I can't remember them after I've watched them, and if I'm not in the perfect mood to watch one, I just can't pay attention. Sometimes Lucas will want to watch a movie, and I really don't but I can't expect him to want to do everything I do, so I will watch the movie with him. However, often times I'll make fun of the movie, or just get on my phone and not even try to enjoy it with him. This makes him feel like I'm not trying to enjoy time with him and I'm just still doing whatever I want to do, all the while saying that I want to watch the movie when I really don't, and he knows it. I know, it's complicated, but don't you see, that the problem is my sin. I'm selfish and I'm liar. Sin.

What is the solution to this settling/sinning problem?

I tell you, we have got to pursue God's heart even when we don't feel it or even when we don't feel anything at all. He's got a plan, and his perfect time will find us where he intends. So, please, don't settle for less that who God calls a man to be, and ask God to cleanse you and cleanse you and cleanse you.

God, rid us of sin.

Here is a fun picture from a photo booth.

Run Run Run

At the beginning of a new school year I have the opportunity to meet many new students, set new goals, begin new routines, and, along that way, pick up a new attitude. When things are new, I often get stressed like a crazy person running around "trying to get things done."

Why do I do this?
1. I want to be and appear to be responsible and reliable.
2. I dislike chaos, and if I do this and that, the world will be right and everyone will be happy.
3. If I get things done, it will save me from doing it later.
4. I hate having a messy house. It's embarrassing.

Dumb, I know. However, this is one of the biggest battles I face and a self-proclaimed busy person. All week I have been running and doing. I haven't sat down one time to take it all in or just rest my weary self. I'm so exhausted that I fell asleep during church last night and when I was trying to help lead worship, my tired brain couldn't even pick out the correct note to sing. It took all I had just to be standing.

The truth is I often spend a lot of time doing things for God and I forget to take time to know Him.

What a shame. He is there knowing me, but I'm not knowing Him.

Let me emphasize, the God of the universe wants to know us, and he wants us to know him.

God really doesn't cherish these things I do, not matter if I get a bull horn and scream at the top of my lungs all over this college campus that God loves people, or if I run and run and run and run doing things for him, if I'm not knowing his heart, my heart misses His. When I know him, I will do the right things as a result.

I'd love to say more about this, but I'm too busy.

Just kidding.

But that is something I would do. Would you? Do you know Him? Has he spoken a personal word to you this week? If not, why hasn't he? Are you listening? Am I?

Brain power > Brand power

Ladies, I cannot take it anymore.

I must blog about this.

You might think it's a bit "ranty" (I just made that word up). However, we are doing a disservice toward ourselves and the men around us. Don't worry. This rant is complete with pictures.

And it's because I love you.

I deal with young women quite a bit. I pretty much still am one, but I'm working my way up the ladder to being an "older" young woman if that's possible. Also, this married status of mine gives me a glimpse into the man world that a young single girl can't even imagine. It's enlightening, scary, and smells funny at times.

See, a younger me!

This is a difficult subject to discuss because girls get offended when I say modesty and I say very specific clothing articles like if I said (for a very extreme example we can all agree on) "Wearing your bikini to Wal Mart is not modest." Someone out there would disagree with me and think things like. "I look good in my bikini," "I wear it for me," or "It's my body, I do what I want."

I get it. I've been there. I've thought that. It wasn't until I was in a very serious relationship that I really understood just how my clothing effects the inner workings of a man's brain.

My dear sweet husband has explained it in a very understandable and delicate way. He said "Just assume, that whatever amount of skin you are showing, a guy imagines three times as much."

I have a girl brain too and I understand that sounds silly. We generally don't catch ourselves picturing men on the street in tube tops when they are wearing t-shirts, but, ladies, we have heard it straight from the most honest man in the world.

Anyway, after much trial, but mostly error with clothing choices... I have a few pieces of advice.

1. More is more. I have found myself making excuses like "well, I just can't find longer shorts than this", or "When I lose the 5 pounds I'm working on, this will fit more like it should so I'll just keep wearing it." Whatever the excuse is that you have in your head for not covering yourself is a bad one. Just keep in mind that our dear brothers in Christ struggle every day with keeping their minds pure.

2. If you have to do a summersault twisty splits jump to get into your jeans or jeggings, they may not be the best choice. I have put my foot in my mouth before about this subject. I was in front of a group of girls and telling a story about how I bought a pair of jeggings and because of my figure was cat called 7 times a day every time I wore them. I'm not saying no one should ever wear jeggings (which is what some of the girls there listening, wearing jeggings, thought.) Please, consider your body type, the place you are going, and if the tightness of your clothing is distracting. That's all I'm saying.

A funny story- I was in the mall not too long ago with my husband and one of our friends who is a guy. They saw a girl walk by while I was shopping and were appalled. They asked me to find her in the store and make sure she was wearing pants. I found her. They were just very short lace shorts. I learned a valuable lesson that day. To men, Lace = Underwear. Especially if it's super short.

3. Being cat called is not a compliment. When I was younger I ate up this attention. It was even to the point sometimes that if I walked past a guy who I thought should have smiled at me or made a comment to me and he didn't I would go through a dialogue in my head about what must be obviously wrong with the way I look. The past few years I have come to understand that this type of attention is degrading to me. In fact, now it just makes me angry. I recently told Lucas that the next time someone does this to me I'm going to stop and calmly say "I'm married, please have some respect for me and for my husband."

Now, you may not be married, but you might be some day and just like when we freely give away our physical affection, spiritual intimacy, or emotional intimacy to a man who is not our husband, accepting this attention as good is just settling for second best (or third or fourth or fifth). I encourage you to only accept respect and treat yourself as a woman worthy of such. (Not to sound all Sunday school-y but..) Your future husband should treat you as Christ treats the church, being willing to sacrifice himself for you. A cat calling coward is not making any sacrifice for you and is only making himself look like a fool.

I know that fashion is always evolving and I love looking cute as much as the next girl, but we must find a standard for dressing and hold dearly to it regardless of fashion trends. Is there a way that I might confuse the shorts you are wearing for underwear?

Just so you would believe me about this, I asked the most honest man in the world to pick out the most modest outfit he could from my closet for me...

Yea, I know.

But in reality, I have this coworker who always looks modest, yet stylish. I look up to her...

She's a good example of tastefulness.

See, I told you there would be lots of pictures.

Stay Classy!