Illusion of Control

Do you ever wonder if life will slow down?

I do. All the time. Then it does, then I try to figure out what it is that I'm not doing that I ought to be doing. After all, I'm useless just sitting there, right?

Wow, I'm so American.

This idea that we have to be "doing" is so human. We even carry this over into our spiritual lives and think "I must be doing something for the Lord." This leads to guilt when we don't have that special "quiet time." This leads to guilt when we just need some rest on Sunday night and can't find the strength to make it to church. This leads to guilt when we fall asleep reading God's word. This leads to guilt when we don't have the words to say to a friend. We think "If I really knew God like I should, I would have the perfect thing to say.

Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to my brain. I think all these things, but, thank goodness, just because I think or feel it doesn't mean its true. In fact Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (NIV).

So, let's deal with this issue. As human beings we feel much better when we can check off a list of do's and don'ts to monitor our progress. (I always feel very accomplished when I can check of a to-do list) Don't get me wrong, I do think that we grow deeper spiritually, and our understanding of our Father and who he is is broadened with time, study, and prayer. However, I don't think there is any scale upon which we can measure like the quiet-time-o-meter where 365 quiet times a year earns us points.

You know those days when you can't drag yourself out of bed and all day when things go wrong you think "If would have just prayed this morning this wouldn't have happened." Possible, yes it is. But what a pedestal we place our actions upon when think that have that much control over a whole day.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is far beyond my human understanding and right in the strong grasp of God's understanding. He wants me to walk with Him so badly he's jealous when I stray. I hold that we think these thoughts because as humans we have the illusion of control over the every day. Today, let's put down our illusions of control, our to do list for God and listen to him, seek him every moment, and simply walk with him.