The Good We Ought to Do

When I was in high school, it was not big deal at all for me to ditch my plans immediately when it came to getting the attention of a boy. I would drop my plans with a girlfriend in seconds flat. I believe that it even go to the point to where they wouldn't be surprised at all when I said "something came up."

Now, I am a testy lady. I find myself tired most days, and I am definitely not a morning person. Someone can say one sentence to me and it takes every fiber in my being to not throw knives at them, or lash out into a rage. (To be honest). However, most days I can give a neutral reaction, though that is far from my nature at the time. I walk away patting myself on the back saying, "you just saved their life."

But now I'm thinking, what if (with the power of Christ) I went beyond "neutral" and found my reactions to be a "10" on the encouraging scale. No, it's not in my nature. But scripture tells me that I should say things that build people up and benefit those who listen.

I know in my little brain that I should encourage, but instead, I am neutral.

It may seem insignificant.

But I just read James 4:17 which says, "Anyone, then who knows the good he ought to do and does not do it, to him it is sin."

In this context, to the best of my knowledge James is talking to the wealthy people who have a lot of money with which they could choose to either do good, or to be selfish.

The principle we can take from this text is that if there is good to be done, we ought to do it.

One night last week my husband and I were watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I love that show. I cry and cry because deserving people get treated to something nice they could never afford on their own. My husband, though, was enraged and said "This show shouldn't even be necessary. The church should be doing this." (He's a wise man).

I could go on with examples, but my point is that there is good to be done

In the name of Christ.

What is the good you ought to be doing?




Oh, Happy Halloween!!!

Why the Inconsistency?

Sometimes in life, we just can't get a grip on who we want to be. We feel a pull between "good" and "evil" contstantly. We want to pursue God, but sin get a hold on our affections and we can't look away.


We do thing like worship on Sundays and then go away and talk bad about our friend or sister in Christ. In James, he says that someone who does that is "double-minded" and "unstable." Ouchie, James. That hurts.

We do things like Praise Jesus and promote modesty all year long, until Halloween comes around, then we like to show the things our Mamma gave us.

We do things like sleep an extra hour instead of spending time with the Lord.

I know it's a struggle that is not easily overcome, but when we TRULY seek his face, ladies, we will find HIM. When we find him we don't need extra sleep, to talk bad about people, or to show off what our Mamma gave us to get attention from males (disgraceful attention, I might add).

I feel this battle in my life every day. I know more and more what a ridiculous human being I am. Ya know what I'm saying? Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel like this:




Even Paul said "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I do I hate." (Romans 7:15, NIV)

Do you ever find yourself here?

Paul was writing my heart's song right here. I keep crying out "Lord please change me."

I will say, the change comes, but it's ever so slow.

And it is with ever so much purpose that I cannot understand.

The Lord is truly working in us when we ask him do. I long for the day that you can I can do the things we want and not do the thing we don't want. Until then, I urge all of us to earnestly seek his face and flee sin.



Flee Immodesty



Flee Gossip



Flee Laziness



Flee Sin.



Lord, we Need You.

For Mr. Hickman

Today as I was sitting beside my husband eating lunch, I picked up my bread, which was a little brown for my taste, and began to break it apart to dip it in my tomato sauce. As I was breaking it, I realized that it was rather crunchy. At that moment, my husband reached over and told me to trade him pieces of bread. He did this because his was nice and moist.

This moment was one of beauty. I could have wept, but  I held it back. Why? Because in that moment I knew that I was known by him.  He knows I don't like crunchy bread. It wasn't the crunchy bread. I would have eaten it and moved on with my life, but by trading me bread he was saying "I see your desires and I'm doing what I can to provide for them."

I've been reading a lot of things lately about love, sex, and relationships. The most common theme I am recognizing in my reading is that when it comes to "love," every human being just has a desire to be known.

Someone a lot smarter than me, Dannah Gresh, wrote a book called What are You Waiting For?: The One Thing No One Ever Told You About Sex. 

In this lovely and honest book she discusses this truth, that the desire to be know sometimes leads hurting people to physical sex that isn't fulfilling and leaves them damaged. She discusses the connotation of the Hebrew word "yada" that means "to know, to be known, to be deeply respected." Gresh points out that this is the desire of the human heart and how to overcome damage done in the past. I reccomend this book to any high school or college age young woman whether she has struggled with sexual sin or not.

Even as a married woman, this book has resonated with me and I am still discovering my deep desire to be known and deeply respected by the love of my life. I am also discovering the importance of knowing and respecting him.

Mostly I am writing this blog because I want the world to know how I love and appreciate Mr. Lucas Hickman, the poor soul who has been married to me for 4 months yesterday. I'm so grateful for his effort to know and look out for my every need every minute. I'm also thankful for such a fun best friend.

Thank you, dear. Happy 4 month-a-versary (a day late).

I love you.

(And to everyone else, stay tuned tomorrow for the top 5 things I have learned in the last 4 months, some really funny, some very serious heart matters).

You're all swell too.

But here is a picture of myself and my love in Hawaii...

Have a happy day, friends. I know I am.

Don't Ask Me to Share my Dessert

I am a sweets enthusiast. I love to eat them and cook them. If it is coated with, cooked in, or contains sugar I am all in. I will eat it until I can contain no more, or until I go into a coma. When I was a kid often times I would have a Mountain Dew and Chocolate Pop-Tarts for breakfast (the Nabisco kind) if my mom wasn't looking.

I love them so much that I hate when I have to share. When I was younger and my family went to a restaurant and it was time to order dessert I would let everyone know that I needed my very own. My mom would always say "I'm not going to order one. I'll just take a bite of yours'" Nine times out of ten "a bite" meant "I'm just going to eat half of it." This would make me so mad, but usually I kept my cool.

At the end of my sophomore year of college my mom and I went on a vacation to visit some friends in Arizona. We went to eat at many great places, but I found my breaking point at Macaroni Grill where they have AWESOME desserts. We were discussing which one to order and with my sweet tooth in full craving mode when she said the bite thing, I said "I"m not sharing!! Get your own dessert!" Now, I realize that this is not the Christ like attitude that I avidly promote, but its the truth of my downfall that I am working to deal with.

This is an actual photo from this incident. Our friend Cheryl was making fun of my outburst!
Thank the Lord for good friends who let you see how silly you are.

It's even so bad that I secretly get mad anytime anyone asks me for a bite of my brownie, candy bar, or even for one of my Hershey Kisses. I dread the day that I have kids who I want to teach to be healthy eaters and have to either hide or share my desserts. (It's that serious).

Yes, I have this "thing" that I grasp onto for dear life just like how we all have certain sins that we refuse to share and bring light to. We get caught up in the entrapment of lies and leave people who really care to know our hears in the dark and say "I'm not sharing!!" This is a definite downfall of mine. I hate to admit that I'm wrong and I hate letting anyone see the deepest places of my hurt where hurt and secrets can fester.

When we hold on to secret sin it tears up our souls from the inside out (much like diabetes to our body). It ruins our relationships with great people, and it makes us afraid to look at ourselves (much like eating too many sweets, if you know what I mean).

Ecclesiastes 12:14 says "For God will bring every deed into judgement, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."

Selfishness isn't only holding onto good things in life. I believe that it also includes holding on to the darkest parts of our hearts because we believe that we can handle it alone. The truth is that we cannot go on like that. Our hearts are meant to be seen in the light, that's why it's coming in the future.

Let's prepare for that light-bringing process now, and put it out there to those who care most and who want to speak tenderly to our hearts and hold us accountable.

I'm Staging a Protest

REALLY. 

I am staging a protest. 

And it's not my first time. I am a professional by now.

When I was in high school, ninth grade to be exact, I began protesting the bus for the rest of my high school career. I would do whatever it took to not ride the bus home from school. I was even known to stay on campus until 5 when my mom got off work and she could come pick me up. A couple times, I even walked home.

One time I didn't talk to my brother for 3 months, that one was tiring, but I did it!

Today, I am protesting make-up because I don't want to wear it and I don't have to. (A few days ago my husband told me that he thinks all women in America should stop wearing make-up because it would save them time and money. We decided we couldn't get it to work because of the hierarchy of women in the world who say that if we don't cake the stuff on, we are not feminine. Dumb.)

This is me rocking that natural look! 

This is an important protest, but I have made the decision to protest something even more important:

ANGER.

When studying James this week I have been punched in the throat by James 1:19-20 which says: "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Usually, my beloved husband is the object of my anger. I promise, I didn't know what anger was until I met him. (Note that I also didn't understand most emotions). But when you love someone so dearly your emotions can just go haywire when it comes to them (No matter who they are). (Don't judge, if you don't know what I mean, you will). 

Whatever the trigger of my anger, it happens quickly and brings me to illogical conclusions faster than a man can jump out of the line of fire at a garter toss (I've been to a lot of weddings lately, okay?).

When I allow myself to become angry, I allow myself to be fooled. I allow myself to think many things that aren't true. I allow myself to feel unloved. I allow myself to forget the hard work I had put into the relationship in question AND I just say things: wrong things, untrue things, and it hurts my soul.

It also hurts your soul. Anger can lead to bitterness and resentment that is difficult to overcome. It can lead to ruined relationships all over a little emotion, when forgiveness is what would be best for everyone involved.

So, join me in this protest.

Today, tomorrow and all the days after that, let's be slow to anger. We have to make the decision to move past anger and immediately forgive. You will find your self free and your mind clear. Who is your anger hurting? Someone else? Or yourself?

Ask the Holy Spirit to keep you from anger and lead you to forgiveness. 

Friends of Girls

My job gives me the beautiful privilege of being around wise, Godly, young women every day. The Lord really uses these girls to give me life and keep me thinking and growing.

Particularly, today, I was talking with my friends Casey and Bryanna after a Bible study. Bryanna and I have a lot of the same story and have dealt with many same things. Both of us went through a time in our young lives where we said things like "It's better and easier to be friends with guys," and "Girls carry too much drama." While this theory can hold ground many days, it discounts the importance of  good, old fashioned, girlfriend.

As you may have learned, we women have a little issue with, often times, not being honest with ourselves, but once you come to the point where you can be, you really learn how dumb you are, which makes you smarter.

So, let's take a minute and just be honest.

Honestly, when I was younger, I spent a lot of time around guys for many reasons: they made me feel pretty, I felt protected, I felt smart, they told me what I wanted to hear... The list could really go on and on, but we can go with these things.

What's the problem, you ask?

I didn't take the time in my life to form solid friendships with other girls. Why: they made me feel ugly, I was jealous of them, I didn't like to talk about my feelings, I felt dumb.

This may sound like a girl bashing session, but, in fact, it is just the opposite. What I'm trying to say is this: Girls, we have got to start forming Godly bonds in which we support and love one another. 

We keep allowing ourselves to turn to this pettiness out of jealousy of each other. In turn, many girls turn to only being close to guys, and when we depend on emotional support and close close friendship from guys who are not our boyfriends or husbands, we run into a lot of issues.

The older you get, the more difficult it will be to hold on to your best guy friends and maintain healthy relationships with boyfriends, fiances, husbands, and friends who are girls.

How do we avoid this?

We must avoid the sin of jealousy. I can think back over my life and just about every tiff I've ever had with another female included this little "friend." Jealousy tells us that we should be the one with laughable jokes and that we should be the one turning heads, not her.  (Idea totally credited to Bryanna)

It's time that we grasp on to the good in each other and hold fast to sharing our hearts with our female friends.

I'm not saying that we should form a she-woman, man-haters club. I'm not saying never talk to boys. I'm saying that we must maintain appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex, and draw closer to our sisters. (Those boundaries would definitely include limiting hear-to-heart with guys time when our goal is to make ourselves feel better. We've all done it.) When, we as sisters, are honest with each other, we begin to find out how similar we all are.

Nothing like having someone to share hot chocolate with! 

So, what it that you need to do to grasp onto Godly friendships with other young women?

Becoming a Lady

Tomorrow at our Back to School Retreat I am leading a break out session that the men in my workplace named "Becoming a Lady." I'm really not convinced that I am the resident expert on this topic, but I know that I'm the closest thing we have to a lady here (besides our lovely administrative assistant who does not like to talk in front of people). So, I'm the closest loud thing we have to a lady.
But it's a conflicting title for me because when I hear the word lady this is what comes to mind:

And Google agrees because when I searched "lady" on images all I found was pictures of this beauty.

Anyway, I'm sitting in my office racking my brain about what I should share with these girls. There are so many options going through my head: dating, modesty, morality, boundaries, self-esteem, future planning, finding Mr. Right, waiting on the Lord..

I'm trying to think: "When I was a sophomore in college, what would I have needed to hear."

And the Lord sent the idea to hit me right between the eyes!

Young women deal with all sorts of issues that I could talk very specifically about and offer great advice, but at the end of the day, if they don't hear me say "seek the Lord." I am doing a great disservice.

I've noticed a trend with my blogs, the ones about hot topic issues for young women like modesty and dating get twice as many reads as those that may be viewed at more "spiritual" in nature.

I understand. I like to read interesting blogs about hot topics too, but I think this tells us something about our nature.

We are missing the main thing.

We want to talk about all these issues and specifics about issues and how to fix our problems, but we don't want to seek the Lord first. Frankly, we just don't. I don't. You don't. We don't.

If we were seeking the Lord and what glorifies him, would I need to write a blog about how to dress in a way that glorifies him and draw attention to things that don't? I like to think "no" is the answer to that question. As the Lord has shaped me over the past several years he has brought me to a point where I have a keen sense of what glorifies Him and what doesn't.

Following God is truly not about following a list of rules or reading Godly blogs or books that tell us how to live. It is about seeking our Father.

I like to explain it this way: When we are toddlers, we need very specific rules like: don't touch the hot stove, don't hit, share your toys, etc. However, as we get older and as we mature we need less specific rules and guidelines. You can tell a 13 year old to be good and they have a pretty good grasp of what that means.

As believers, we can be the same way. As new believers we need to get a grasp on specifically what is a sin like telling a lie or more specific questions like "is smoking a sin?" But as we mature in knowing the Lord we no longer need to keep a list of rules to follow because the Spirit allows us to distinguish between sin and holiness.

Life on earth for a believer is simply that, a battle between sin and holiness.

In Romans Paul gives us indicator of a "true" Christian. One of these indicators is "Abhor (hate) what is evil; hold fast to what is good." (Your should really just go read Romans 12:9-21 to get a better grasp).

Have you matured to the point where you can distinguish good from evil and hate the evil?

This is a mark of a "Lady."